Understanding meltdowns
Meltdowns are not bad behaviour. They are a sign that your child is overwhelmed and doing their best to cope. They are not trying to be difficult – they are trying to tell you that something is not working for them.
Meltdowns are common for autistic children. Click here to find more information about meltdowns on our Autism Space website.
How you can help at home
Adapt how you communicate
- Use short, clear sentences. Say one idea at a time.
Example: Instead of “Can you go and get your shoes and put them on because we’re going to be late,” say “Shoes on now. We’re going out.” - Use visual supports. Pictures, objects or gestures can help your child understand what is happening. A visual timetable or “first–then” board can be useful.
- Give extra time to process. After you speak, pause. Your child may need a few seconds or more to respond.
- Offer choices. This gives your child a sense of control.
Example: “Do you want the red cup or the blue cup?” instead of “What do you want to drink?” - Validate feelings.
Example: “I see you’re upset. That’s okay. I’m here.”
Help your child feel safe and regulated
- Create a calm space. A quiet corner with soft lighting, favourite toys or sensory items can help your child reset.
- Notice triggers. Keep a diary of what happens before a meltdown. Look for patterns like noise, transitions, hunger or tiredness.
- Use calming strategies. Try breathing games, sensory play or movement breaks.
Working with education staff
- Ask staff to use the same communication strategies you use at home. This includes visuals, simple language and giving your child time to respond.
- Share what works. Let them know what helps your child feel calm and safe. If your child has a favourite toy, song or sensory tool, they may be able to use it too.
- Ask for a quiet space. Somewhere your child can go if they feel overwhelmed.
Building communication confidence
You can help your child develop confidence with communication and social interaction by:
- Following their lead. This supports language and interaction skills.
Click this link for more information: Children who Lead Get the Language they Need
- Using Intensive Interaction. This strategy involves joining in with what your child is already doing and enjoying.
Click this link for more information: Sheffield children’s NHS Foundation Trust
- Supporting joint attention. This means helping your child share attention with you, like looking at the same toy together.
Click this link for more information: Joint attention – Hanen
- Exploring local resources. Leicestershire Partnership Trust’s Children’s Speech and Language Therapy Service have a range of information and resources.
Click this link for more information: LPT Children’s Speech and Language Resources
More Support
For more resources and services on our Autism Space webpages, click the following links:
General resources
Health and wellbeing resources
Education resources
Groups, clubs and activities
Summary
Meltdowns are a way your child communicates that they are overwhelmed. You can support them by adapting how you communicate, helping them feel safe and working with nursery staff. You can also help build their confidence with communication by following their lead and using strategies like Intensive Interaction and joint attention.
You know your child best. You are already doing the right thing by looking for ways to support them.
