Noticing Differences in Your Child
It’s not uncommon for young children to show behaviours that could be part of typical development – things they may grow out of. Health Visitors are trained to assess and monitor children’s development from birth to age five. They look at areas like communication, social interaction, motor skills, and behaviour over time. If concerns arise, they may initially choose to observe patterns and gather more information before making a referral for an autism assessment.
Referrals to paediatrics for autism assessment services often depend on:
- Severity and consistency of symptoms
- Whether the child is showing delays across multiple areas
- Whether concerns persist despite support or monitoring
Sometimes, Health Visitors may wait to see if developmental delays are temporary or improve with early intervention strategies.
This is especially true for babies and toddlers, where early signs may change over time.
That said, many parents have a strong sense when something feels different. You know your child best.
Feeling Unsure Is Normal
You might be:
- Wondering if your child is autistic
- Feeling unsure about what to do while you wait for answers
- Worried about missing the chance for “early intervention”
- Unsure how to parent in a way that supports your child’s needs
These are all common and understandable feelings. You are not alone.
What You Can Do Right Now
You don’t need a diagnosis to start supporting your child. In fact, the most helpful thing you can do is to start learning about autism and trying out strategies that many parents of autistic children use.
These strategies are safe and supportive for any child – whether or not they turn out to be autistic.
This will also help build a comprehensive picture of your child’s needs, which strengthens any future referral.
Focus on Understanding, Not Changing
Autism is not something that needs to be “treated” or “fixed.” The goal is not to make your child act more “typical.” Instead, the focus is on:
- Understanding your child’s needs
- Reducing things that cause stress or discomfort
- Supporting their strengths and interests
- Helping them feel safe, calm, and happy
This approach helps all children – and especially those who are autistic.
Be a Gentle Detective
If your child is non-speaking or very young, they won’t be able to tell you what’s bothering them or what they enjoy. You’ll need to watch carefully and look for clues.
Things to look out for:
- Communication and interaction differences
Do they avoid eye contact? Prefer to play alone? Seem uninterested in cuddles or social games? - Sensory processing
Are they sensitive to certain sounds, lights, textures, or smells? Do they seek out certain sensations? - Need for predictability
Do they get upset when routines change or when they can’t do things their way? - Strong interests
Do they repeat the same activity over and over? Are they fascinated by certain objects or movements?
Try These Supportive Strategies
You don’t need a diagnosis to start using strategies that help your child feel safe, calm, and understood. These ideas are helpful for all children – and especially for those who may be autistic.
Understand Their Needs
- Keep routines simple and predictable
Example: If your child always has a snack after nursery, try to keep this the same each day. If something will be different, let them know in advance using a picture or object. - Use clear, short language
Example: Instead of saying “Let’s get ready to go out soon, we’re going to the shops and then we’ll pop to Grandma’s,” try “Shoes on. We’re going to the shop. Then Grandma’s.” - Prepare them for changes
Example: If a visitor is coming, show them a photo of the person and say “Nana is coming. She will sit here.”
Respect Their Play Style
- Let them play in their own way
Example: If they like lining up cars or spinning lids, let them. This can be calming and enjoyable for them. They may also be happier for you to join in if you copy their play patterns e.g. lining up your own set of cars alongside theirs. - Don’t force group play
Example: If they don’t want to join in with group singing, let them sit nearby with a comfort toy. They might join in when they’re ready. - Celebrate their interests
Example: If they love watching washing machines spin, you could show them videos of washing machines or let them help with laundry.
Support Their Sensory Needs
- Reduce sensory overload
Example: If they cover their ears when the vacuum is on, try using it when they’re in another room, or offer ear defenders. - Offer soothing sensory activities
Example: Try water play, bubble tubes, soft fabrics, or gentle swinging. Some children enjoy watching glitter jars or lava lamps. - Adapt clothing and food
Example: If they refuse certain clothes, check for scratchy labels or tight waistbands. Let them wear what feels comfortable, even if it’s the same outfit every day.
Support Communication
- Use pictures, gestures, or objects
Example: Show them a picture of a cup when offering a drink, or hand them their coat when it’s time to go out. - Follow their lead
Example: If they’re playing with blocks, sit beside them and copy what they’re doing. This can build connection and communication. - Give them time to respond
Example: After asking “Do you want more?” wait quietly for a few seconds. Some children need extra time to process and respond. - Try using comments rather than questions – lots of questions can make communication feel like a ‘test’. We want to focus on giving children language, rather than testing it.
Example: “wow look at that!”, “I love your tower”, “it’s a red car”, rather than “what are you doing?”, “what colour is it?”
Help Them Regulate
- Give them time to recharge
Example: After a busy morning, let them have quiet time with a favourite toy or in a cosy corner. - Use comfort items
Example: If they carry a soft toy everywhere, let them. It may help them feel safe in new or busy places. - Watch for signs of stress
Example: If they start pacing, covering their ears, or going quiet, they may be overwhelmed. Offer a break or a calm activity.
Keep a Log
It can help to:
- Write down what you notice – both challenges and strengths
- Look for patterns over time
- Ask others (like nursery staff or family) to share their observations
- Share this information with your health visiting team or GP
Real-Life Example
“It took me ages to realise that trying to get my youngest to nap during the day just didn’t work. Once I stopped pushing it, they were more settled and slept better at night. I also rubbed their foot to help them fall asleep – right up until they were 8! It wasn’t what the books said to do, but it worked for us.”
Getting Support
You can:
- Talk to your health visiting team or GP
- Visit Autism Space for more resources
- Connect with other parents through group clubs and online
You don’t need a diagnosis to ask for help.
Final Thoughts
Whether or not your child is autistic, they deserve to be understood and supported. And so do you. Look after yourself too – this can be exhausting and overwhelming.
