Autistic people may show emotions differently to non-autistic people. This is not a conscious choice. Autistic people may also find it harder to interpret other people’s non-verbal communication. These differences are normal and do not mean something is wrong, but they can cause challenges.
The best approach is to understand and accept autistic differences – rather than expect autistic people to behave in a neurotypical way. This article explains why these differences happen, how they affect communication, and practical ideas to help autistic people advocate for themselves. If you are not autistic, this article will help you understand autistic people better and adapt your own communication to meet autistic needs.
What this article covers
- What non-verbal communication is and why it matters
- Why autistic non-verbal communication can look different
- How this links to alexithymia, monotropism and masking
- How to advocate for clear communication
- Why neurotypical people should adapt their communication
- Why communication is a shared responsibility (Double Empathy theory)
- Brief ideas for practising recognition
- Useful links
What is non-verbal communication?
- Non-verbal communication includes:
- Tone and volume of voice
- Speed of speech
- Gestures
- Body language
- How close we position ourselves to others
- Facial expression
- These signals often support verbal communication by adding meaning. For example:
- Saying “I’m fine” with a smile usually means the person really is fine.
- Saying “I’m fine” with a tense voice and crossed arms might mean the opposite.
Why autistic non-verbal communication can look different
- Autistic people have emotions the same as everyone else. They simply show them differently from non-autistic people. This is not deliberate.
- Tone of voice can vary. Some autistic people have a “flat” tone with less variation in pitch. Others may have more variation than expected.
- Gestures vary too. Some autistic people rarely use gestures, while others use many gestures, especially when trying to fit in.
- Facial expression differences are common. Some autistic people might be described as having a ‘flat’ facial expression, while others may seem very expressive.
- Body language can also be misread. For example, an autistic person who is distressed might be interpreted as angry because of tense posture or movements.
- Non-autistic people often misread autistic non-verbal communication and make wrong assumptions. For example, a person with a flat facial expression might be assumed to be in a bad mood, when they are actually fine, or simply lost in thought.
- Autistic people often find it hard to process many signals at once. This can make interpreting other people’s non-verbal communication harder.
- Many autistic people have alexithymia. This means difficulty recognising and naming their own emotions. If you find it hard to recognise your own emotions, it is harder to recognise other people’s emotions.
- Masking is common. Masking means changing or hiding natural behaviours to feel safe. This can make non-verbal communication look different.
- Non-autistic people sometimes deliberately use non-verbal signals that do not match their words. This can be for humour, to hide true feelings, or even to deceive or manipulate. When this happens, autistic people often sense something feels “off,” and this can be confusing and stressful.
Monotropism and why it matters
Monotropism is a way of thinking where a person focuses deeply on one thing at a time.
- This can help with deep learning and feeling calm during special interests.
- It can make communication harder because it is difficult to process many signals at once, such as tone, gestures and facial expression.
Read more:
How to advocate for yourself (if you are autistic)
- It is OK to tell people you find non-verbal signals hard to read. You do not have to disclose that you are autistic.
- You can say:
“I find it hard to read facial expressions and tone. Please be clear with your words and avoid sarcasm or hints.”
“If I am not sure how you feel, is it OK if I ask you?”
- In the moment, if you feel confused, say:
“Sorry, I’m not sure what you mean or how you feel. It helps if you tell me clearly.”
- Ask for adjustments that help you, such as more processing time, written notes, or checking in with direct questions about feelings.
- Aim for self-understanding and self-acceptance. Autism is a difference, not something to fix. Understanding your own profile of differences and strengths helps you advocate for your needs.
- If you struggle with telephone appointments, then you can request a video call or face to face appointment. Add link to reasonable adjustments in healthcare
If you are not autistic: adapt your communication
- Do not expect autistic people to behave like neurotypical people.
- Accept autistic differences as valid and normal.
- Use clear, direct language. Avoid sarcasm, hints or jokes that rely on tone or facial expression.
- Give extra processing time. Do not rush responses.
- Check understanding by asking simple, honest questions.
- Remember: the world is set up for neurotypical people. Autistic people often face sensory overload, social anxiety and extra effort to process information. Neurotypical people should take the lead in adapting communication.
Communication is a shared responsibility
- Double Empathy theory says communication difficulties between autistic and non-autistic people are shared.
- Autistic people often communicate well with other autistic people. Non-autistic people often communicate well with each other.
- Problems can happen when autistic and non-autistic people communicate together. Both people can adapt, but the main responsibility should be on neurotypical people because autistic people are in the minority and face more barriers.
Read more:
- https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/double-empathy
Brief ideas for practising recognition
If you are autistic and want to practise recognising facial expressions or tone:
- Use photos of emotions with someone you trust.
- Talk about what the eyes, eyebrows and mouth are doing.
- Use real-life moments, tv or movies to notice expressions and gestures.
- Keep practice short and stress-free.
Useful resources
- Autism Space: www.leicspart.nhs.uk/autism-space/
- All about autism: www.leicspart.nhs.uk/autism-space/all-about-autism/
- Autistic masking: www.leicspart.nhs.uk/autism-space/health-and-lifestyle/autistic-masking/
Key points
- Non-verbal communication supports verbal communication by adding meaning through tone, gestures and facial expression.
- Autistic people may show emotions differently to other people. This is not deliberate.
- Non-autistic people often misread autistic non-verbal signals and make wrong assumptions. For example, distress may be misread as anger.
- The best approach is to accept autistic differences and adapt communication to meet autistic needs.
- Autistic people can try to advocate for clear, direct communication. Neurotypical people should take the lead in adapting and being accepting of others.
- Communication is shared, but fairness means neurotypical people should make the bigger adjustments.
